


The Great Sparkly Fail

by Lady_Nightshade



Series: Just Another Day in the Tower [4]
Category: The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Avengers Movie Night, Bucky loves ice cream, Crack, Darcy Lewis is in it at the end, Everybody loves pop tarts, Gen, Jarvis is around as always, The guys watch Twilight, Thor does too, Tony is a nice guy, Tony loves Cheez-its, twilight - Freeform, twilight saga - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-11-16
Updated: 2014-11-16
Packaged: 2018-02-25 13:17:50
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,651
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2623142
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lady_Nightshade/pseuds/Lady_Nightshade
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Steve didn’t even look up at his friend.  “Buck, you have to see this- he’s got super strength like us.”</p><p>Bucky put down his bowl of ice cream.  He knew his friend like the back of his hand and he could tell when Steve was getting a little too invested.  He was fully prepared to throw the man over his shoulder and run for it if need be.  “I don’t care if he’s got two heads, we ain’t- …is he…sparkling?”</p><p>---</p><p>Steve and Bucky walk in on Thor watching Twilight.  Darcy had warned Bucky against the series but the super soldiers soon find themselves being unable to look away.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Great Sparkly Fail

**Author's Note:**

> I actually don't have anything against the movie series- I'm not a fan either, but I don't hate them. 
> 
> I did the proofing myself but didn't go through it more than a few times so there's probably mistakes.

There were many things that people could call Tony Stark.  And lot of them tended to be true (show off, snarky, unpredictable…).  But his behavior aside, those who actually _knew_ him, like the rest of the team and those closest to them, learned quickly that behavior and character are two different things. Yes, Tony’s constant public exhibition seemed at least partially fueled by his arrogance, but it was also fueled by a need to protect his team from the ranting media. If all eyes were on him, then they weren't on the more sensitive, broken, or socially vulnerable members of his team.  Yes Tony’s behavior was often reckless and unpredictable, but it stemmed from his willingness to take risks to move the story along- even at the threat of physical harm.  Progress needed to occur.  And if that meant that Tony had to be the catalyst for it to happen, then so be it.

Tony was a pretty complex individual when you got down to it.  Sure he had his faults, but once you knew him, you understood that deep down he was a pretty kind person (even if his behavior was loud, crude, and essentially a walking PSA). Tony was actually a pretty generous human being.  And it showed in his willingness to care for his team family and provide for their every need. When he’d heard about Bruce’s constant habit of roaming around to avoid SHIELD, Tony not only set up an entire floor for the scientist to have a safe haven in the tower, but he’d also included Hulk proof rooms so that Bruce wouldn’t feel like he’d endanger others. When he’d found out Bucky was alive, he’d begun furnishing the apartment next to Steve’s without telling anyone.  He’d just waited until they’d gotten the call from Steve, Sam, and Natasha before he had contractors knock a hole in the wall to connect the two with a door. He’d already sent his team of lawyers on the case to get Bucky full legal protection from anything he may have or had not done while under HYDRA’s control.  When Steve had needed help getting comfortable around technology, Tony had flooded the tower with Stark pads (they now had hundreds of them lying around). When he’d noticed SHIELD eyeing Foster and her team he’d already been thinking about moving them in to be under his protection (hey, scientists had to stick together and he knew as well as anyone that lone roaming brilliant scientists needed safety from the wolves- HYDRA and sometimes government agencies).  Thor’s asking only gave his actions of having his lawyers draw up contracts more legitimacy to bring Foster, Selvig, and their crew into the fold. He didn’t mind playing shepherd or gatekeeper if it meant keeping the big god smiling- he liked seeing his family happy (after all, Tony had no problems walking with a big stick- or Iron Man suit, as the case may be). 

Tony had done all of these things without saying a single word about them.  He hadn’t sought out praise for them because they weren’t his own achievements that advanced humanity in some way.  They were just him showing his love for those in his family and you didn’t do things for family because you expected anything in return- you did it because you wanted to. So of course when Tony had seen Darcy teaching the boys about pop culture on the TV in the common room he hadn’t bothered to ask them if they’d like a better screening room. He’d just had one put in.

The media room was large enough for all of them to fit (there was even Hulk furniture- just in case.  He and Darcy watched cartoons together sometimes).  The room had the largest couches he could find and had a fully stocked bar and kitchen to make any kind of movie watching food you could want. The TV was so big it was essentially a wall.  And was of course, the best that money could buy. 

Usually the media room was reserved for movies. Normal television watching was done in the common living room- there was just something nice about being around others sometimes that the team enjoyed.  The team loved the room and they all regularly joined in for movie nights whenever Darcy would bring out a new movie for the boys to watch.  Though had Tony known what would happen a few months into the space’s existence (what Darcy would refer to as the ‘Great Sparkly Fail’), it was questionable if he’d have built it at all.

*

One night Steve and Bucky were in Steve’s apartment when an ice cream craving hit Bucky.  Back in the 40’s a lot of things were scarce- sugar being one of them. The US military had put ice cream on a list of necessities to keep troop morale high.  He and Steve hadn’t had a whole lot for a while so he’d more than enjoyed it whenever the military had supplied him with something sweet. He’d spent so long deprived of any sort of pleasures as HYDRA’s puppet (they hadn’t thought that ice cream was important… or _morale_ , for that matter- his numerous mind wipes were proof of that) that he was enjoying eating _what_ he wanted _when_ he wanted- even at 11pm at night.

It took a lot to feed America’s mightiest heroes. Super soldier metabolism meant super soldier portions, which in turn meant supersized bulk supplies. Jarvis sourced their bulk orders directly from suppliers since they usually stocked enough food for a small corner grocer.  Tony had walked in on Bucky eating ice cream one night.  After that, there were always at least three flavors stocked in the massive walk in freezer. 

Tony knew that neither of the super soldiers particularly liked walk in freezers. Not that he could blame them. Bucky had practically been stored in one on and off for years being HYDRA’s monkey and he knew Steve still had nightmares about his big freeze (Tony still had problems sleeping after seeing the black of space, himself, so he understood).  He had learned that Darcy would leave smaller cups of ice cream in the small fridge for them so they wouldn’t have to go into the larger one. But this meant that they couldn’t eat all they wanted if Darcy wasn’t around to restock the fridge.

It had only taken a day to think of a viable solution. At first he’d considered just replacing the metal door with glass- something either super soldier could break through without an issue (even though there would be no lock or latch). That way they wouldn't feel the fear of being trapped. But then, he’d thought, why even keep it walk in at all?  Within a week the original walk in freezer was no more.  Instead of one large walk in it had been turned into a pantry with wall freezers like those in a grocery store.  Shallow freezers with glass swing doors lined the walls of the former walk in. If they were going to stock like a grocer, they might as well look like one.  There was even an island with a large sink in the center of the pantry formerly known as the walk in freezer for defrosting.  Now, no one had to be cold while they were gathering their supplies. Tony marveled that he hadn’t done this sooner. 

The change was something Bucky was immensely grateful for.  He’d always been one to face his fears, but he’d come to accept that there might be some traumas that you never get over.  Bucky still wanted to leave the nightmares behind, but he was proud of himself for his progress so far. 

When he and Steve walked into the shared living room they found Thor sitting on one of the large couches in front of the TV.

“My friends!” Thor smiled at them around a mouth full of pop tarts. 

“What are you watching, Thor?”

“It is a fascinating story of a young woman and her move to live with her father where she encounters a mysterious stranger who saves her life.”  Intrigued, Steve sat down while Thor was still talking to wait for Bucky to grab his ice cream. “It is called Twilight.”

Bucky made a face.  Darcy had warned him about this- she’d left out the details, but suffice it to say, she’d been very adamant that they were _not_ going to be watching that movie. _Ever_.

“Don’t get comfortable, Stevie. We’re not stayin’.” Bucky told his friend sternly as he walked to the kitchen while Thor caught Steve up on what had already happened.  Apparently they’d walked in pretty close to the beginning.  Not that it mattered.  Like he’d told Steve- they weren’t staying.  He trusted Darcy’s judgment in pop culture enough to believe her about this movie series.  After scooping out enough ice cream to fit his very large bowl Bucky came back to find Steve and Thor both engrossed in the movie. They were literally leaning toward the TV. 

“Come on Steve, time to go.”

Steve didn’t even look up at his friend. “Buck, you have to see this- he’s got super strength like us.”

Bucky put down his bowl of ice cream.  He knew his friend like the back of his hand and he could tell when Steve was getting a little too invested.  He was fully prepared to throw the man over his shoulder and run for it if need be.  “I don’t care if he’s got two heads, we ain’t- …is he… _sparkling_?”

*

One and a half hours later they had moved to the media room.  Each of them was eating ice cream on the couch.  Steve and Bucky had opted for bowls, but Thor with a simply hefted a huge 3-gallon drum of vanilla and caramel swirl from the freezers.

Jarvis had just begun playing the second one for them as Tony rode up to the common floor from his workshop. With grease smears in his hair and on his clothing, Tony walked in with a pair of welding goggles still over his eyes. “Hi guys,” he waved as he walked past the open doorway of the room and down the hall to the kitchen. Walking into the pantry he started looking for a snack.  “Jarvis? How about turning on some lights, buddy?”

“They _are_ on, sir.  As are your welding goggles. Might I suggest removing them?”

“Oh.  Right. Good call.”  Tony pulled them off as he snagged a box of Cheez-Its from the shelves.  “So fellas,” he said walking back down the hall to the media room.  “What are we watch- _Oh dear god no_. _Just_. _No_! _Why_ _are you watching Twilight_?! _Who_ let you watch this and _why_?!”  None of them bothered to look at him- their eyes glued to the screen.

“The first movie was awful,” Bucky stated. “But we got dragged in-“

“And we just couldn’t look away-” Steve continued.

“And now we must know what happens,” Thor finished gravely.

Tony shook his head.  “Alright, don’t let Lewis catch you watching this.” Waving his box of Cheez-Its at them, he walked out and headed back to his workshop to keep working. Science was calling him in her sexy dulcet tones of knowledge. 

The next time Tony came up it was for coffee. Coffee was his life’s blood and he needed it right now.   _Right now_.  Science might be his mistress, but coffee was his _master_.  And he had no intention of denying either of his lovers this night.  He was on such a science bender- he doubted he’d be done for another few days. He knew Jarvis would probably send Darcy down eventually to make him rest when the AI thought he was at his most suggestible point of sleep depravation, but that would be during normal waking hours. Darcy was in bed, so now was the best time to work straight through without annoyances like sleep.

Walking by Tony noticed the men were right where he’d left them.  Thor had broken out more pop tarts and all three were now eating every flavor the company sold. Discarded 3-gallon barrels of ice cream drums lay beside the coffee table, spoons still inside. The credits were just rolling as he came back in with a large cup of coffee in his Iron Man mug. “What number was that?” he asked.

The men all turned to look at him at the same time. Each had a slightly wild look in his gaze, which made Tony more than a little uncomfortable to be the focus of them. “Three.” They answered in unison.

“Ooooookaaaaaaay…” Their synced response was more than just a little creepy.  “Have you guys considered taking a little break?  Or you know, _stopping_?”

When they all just stared at him, Tony put down his coffee and shook his head.  “Ok, I’m gonna make an executive decision and stop you guys for the night. Go get some sleep. Jarvis?”

The three of them were over the back of the couch and on Tony before the AI could answer.  Someone grabbed his arms and shook him as they all began talking at once.

“You can’t do that to us!”

“Tony, no!”

“Please!”

“ _But they’re so baa-aa-aad_!” Tony finally exclaimed as his head flopped back and forth from the intensity of the shake.  _Huh_ , must be Thor.

“It’s like a train wreck, I know. But we just can’t look away!”

“They’re going to get _married_!”

“I hear she has an evil baby!”

“We _HAVE_ to! HAAAAAAAAAAVE!”

The shaking finally stopped.  Tony sighed and let his head fall backwards. He all but groaned his next words. “FIIIIIIIIINE. Jarviiiiiiiis?”

“Sir?”

“Make sure these Twi-hards get to watch the last two movies, will you?  And don’t tell Lewis I knew about this.  If she finds out that I could have prevented this from happening she’ll kill me.”

“Very good, sir.” Jarvis wouldn’t tell Tony that she’d just wheedle it out of Thor by threatening to cut off his pop tart supply. The woman might not be a trained interrogator like Agent Romanov, but that didn’t mean that Darcy didn’t hit you where it hurt to get what she wanted from you. 

The boys finally let Tony go and Thor clapped his hands in excitement.  “Would you care to join us?  The Captain has read that a most rousing battle takes place at the end of the series!”

Tony was about to tell the big guy no, he wasn’t in need of a lobotomy just yet and as a result did _not_ need to watch, when he made the mistake of looking at the god’s face. Damn it but he always forgot how much of a puppy dog Thor could be.  The big guy had obviously been taking Puss-in-boots-poowitty-puhweese face lessons from his Soulmate.  He sighed again and shook his head.  “So,” he said as he grabbed his coffee and finally sat down, “what team are we on? Team Edward or team Jacob?”

*

Weeks later Darcy and Jane were in the lab. Darcy had her gossip magazines open while she explained celebrity couple names to Bucky and Steve. She told them that if they were a celebrity couple she’d probably name them ‘Stucky’ because ‘Beeve’ and ‘Buteve’ just didn’t roll off the tongue. 

As she was explaining the roller coaster that was the relationship of whatever celebrity couple was on this week’s cover, Bucky shook his head.  “These people have problems- what ever happened to the good old days of romance when a guy would sweep a dame off her feet in style?  These people wear their dysfunctions like you wear your sweaters, doll- large, fuzzy, and with sleeves long enough to slap others in the face with.”

Darcy had laughed at him but Steve just shrugged. “Still a better romance than Twilight,” he said from the edge of Darcy’s desk.

**Author's Note:**

> This one didn’t come so easily as the other stories have so far. The whole thing felt a little forced to me. I’ve only ever seen the movies once, and it truly was a ‘I started watching the first one by accident and just couldn’t seem to look away’ situation. I admit that I streamed the final installment from Amazon. Though I do have to say, I thought the movies were pretty- the background settings, the colors, etc. I always appreciate it when a movie is pretty to look at and I liked the grading of the film itself. I’m not in total hate of the movies, but I’m not a fan. So there’s no hate coming my way for them- so no hate mail about it please. Tony doesn’t like them though, and neither does Darcy. I like to think that Thor liked them- he found the battle at the end entertaining and Steve and Bucky enjoy movies with any sort of effects in them, so they both like the wolves. Bucky agrees with Edward though- does Jacob ever wear a shirt?
> 
> The info about ice cream during the war came from here: http://icecreamjournal.turkeyhill.com/index.php/2008/07/04/ice-cream-history-war-time-ice-cream/
> 
> Normally I’d check my sources more than just find something online, but this being just a quick fic, I didn’t bother.


End file.
